[Announce-DAN] Warning: JOKE

[Doc Rosen <drdrdoc@dr.com>]

To the citizens of the United States of America

In the light of your failure to elect a President of
the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your
independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which
she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP
for the 97.85% of
you who have until now been unaware that there is a
world outside your
borders) will appoint a minister for America without
the need for
further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
whether any of
you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British
Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford
English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation
guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing
it. Generally, you
should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look
up "vocabulary".
Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with
filler noises such
as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
inefficient form of
communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let
Microsoft know on
your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and
Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
English actors as the
good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem,
"God Save The
Queen," but only after fully carrying out task 1. We
would not want you
to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There
is only one kind
of football. What you refer to as American "football"
is not a very good
game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a
world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays
"American" football. You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should
instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played
with the girls. It
is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed
to play rugby (which is similar to American "football",
but does not
involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full kevlar
body armour like nannies). We are hoping to get
together at least a US
rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using
nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not
aware that there
is a world outside your borders should count yourselves
lucky. The
Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is
French for "sh*t".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th
will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be
called "Indecisive
Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap
and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will
understand what we
mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us
crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation

_________________________________________________________________________

Somos la misma familia,
Doc
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